Empathy…Can you feel me?
Last night, I had the incredible opportunity to teach empathy as a key leadership trait to a remarkable group of Congolese refugee teenagers. These young leaders left me deeply inspired, and I am confident that, in their own unique ways, they will make the world a better, more awesome place.
As a group, we explored empathy, defining it as the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences, even without fully living through those emotions ourselves. I then explained why developing empathy is crucial for leaders, highlighting research that shows increased empathy reduces stress, strengthens relationships, and boosts team performance—traits every leader should strive to cultivate.
We also discussed the challenges of practicing empathy, recognizing that our inherent self-centeredness can make it difficult. This led to an insightful conversation about how different cultural lenses shape our perceptions of the same situations. Cultures rooted in Shame/Honor, Fear/Power, and Guilt/Innocence all influence our understanding and our capacity for empathy. For example, the guilt/innocence framework of the U.S. fosters individualism, which contrasts with the communal focus often found in Asian and African cultures. This difference means that my Congolese friends may need to adapt how they empathize with their American peers, just as I must stretch my perspective to better understand and empathize with those from different cultural backgrounds.
An amazing group of young leaders ... who are and will make the world more awesome.
Next, we dove into four practical steps to help us pause, reflect, and grow in empathy, a method drawn from the teachings of Dr. John Townsend. These steps, though simple, require practice to master:
Be Present – Let the person know you’re truly with them. Acknowledge that what they’re experiencing is difficult or painful. The more intense their emotions, the longer this step may take.
Convey the Good – Share a sense of optimism that, in time, good can come from the situation. This positive perspective can be powerful.
Bring Reality – After presence and optimism, we must return to reality, which can sometimes be harsh or unpleasant.
Move to Action – Finally, we work toward improving the situation, recognizing that positive change always requires action.
These young leaders truly inspired me, and working through these ideas with them was a reminder to us all: empathy is a powerful tool for leaders, and developing it can help you and your team make the world more awesome.
Leaders, what strategies do you use to grow empathy within your team?